I know the circumstances in which I'm writing this letter is one of the worst we've ever encountered and this is not how the both of us imagined we would spend our one year anniversery of meeting each other for the first time ever but I wanna try my best to fix everything even if I can't do it today, I will do everything I can to fix it and I hope this letter helps somewhat. I am truly sorry for what I did and though no amount of excuses or apologies can make up for hurting you, I wasn't in my right mind when I decided to stop talking to you for an indefinite amount of time and I've quickly realized that and all the actions afterwards were the biggest mistake I've made in my entire life. I thought by doing that I won't lose you but ironically I did and now I want you back more than anything in this world and I dont know how or where to start. I love you more than anything else in this world and I dont know how to live without you and now you won't talk to me, especially on this very special day for us. At this point I can only reminescent what this whole year has been for the both of us and search for ways to mend what I did.
A year ago I met this girl for the first time ever, I knew who she was but we had never interacted before, and instead of feeling awkward because there was someone I have never talked to I rememeber not feeling awkward even while she talked to me, and we did though I admit not a lot but we did and it wasn't awkward, the following months consisted of us interacting with each other and I remember that this girl, though really forward and extroverted didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all even though she'd click my pictures and videos for fun, it was fun having her around and yeah I did kinda wanna know more about her but I didn't know how. Skip to March when she added me on snapchat and asked me if we could do streaks, I said yes because I had no objections. One day I send this snap of me reading a manga and she responds asking me if I watch anime, we end up recommending each other an anime and decide that we'll talk about our experiences after we finish watching. Once we did and we interacted one topic led to another and somehow it was 5 am and none of us realized we had spoken to each other for that long. The very next day we start talking again and honestly I thought the previous day was just a fluke but to my surprised we were able to talk to each other again even longer, which is when I realized she was gonna end up being a really good friend, cut to few more days and we were already bestfriends, slowly and slowly we become closer and I felt more and more comfortable with her because yeah I'm kinda shy and introverted and I don't open up a lot but the longer we talked the more easy it felt to tell her everything. Early on I realized how special she was to me which is why I decided never to lie to her and hold her in high importance because I didn't wanna lose her, this was about just a month after talking to her. On Anvi's birthday I was about to meet her for the first time after we had become best friends and I was so excited that I would be able to interact with her up close cuz since March-end - April we had only been interacting with each other on text, call or through our balconies which was the most fun way to interact with her and is something I miss so much and I would kill to be able to do that again. I was admittedly scared that maybe I would be even more awkward around her than before we were even friends because interacting virtually is very different from interacting irl but it wasn't and it was so fun to spend that day with her and getting to click one of the cutest pictures of us where we were side hugging. After that day it just kept getting better and better and I kept getting closer and closer to her. Me being the insecure person, I would get jealous of her potentially having a friends as close as her and me and I feared that I may one day be replaced, then one day around June I got jealous of guy a flirting with her which is when I realized I started liking her, and how could I not, she's the most perfect and the most compatible person I've ever met in my entire life. I have never felt talking to someone being this easy with anyone else and feeling so safe and comfortable with anyone else and that more than anything was one of the main reasons why I fell in love with her. Yes she is beautiful and cute and imo the most prettiest, beautiful, cutest, hottest girl ever but tbh here looks didn't matter cuz what mattered was how fun everything felt with her and how my whole schedule and not only my sleep schedule but how I spent my whole day changed because of her. My whole world started revolving around her and I felt like a little planet stuck in orbit of this really pretty star that had this massive gravity and warmth. Because of her, the planet Venus finally harbored life. I finally felt alive because of her and I felt happier than ever cuz of her. Life was finally worth living and even if I hated all humans she was the one person I love the most and could never hate and I still can't, even now my life revolves around her and I want it to because she gives me life like no one ever can. No one can connect with me like she does and what's surprising is that our connection isn't just limited to our interactions but somehow we have this magical connection that at times lets us know what the other person is truly experiencing, be it happiness, pain or sadness and on top of that we would soooooo many times say or think the exact same things, something we call our shared conciousness or shared cow for short hehe. We have so many insides and every one of them makes me feel so connected to her and all of them are a testament to how close we are. By August I had already texted her more than I've texted anyone else combined giving me further proof that there is no one like her and I could talk to her for the rest of my life no matter how short or long my life is because we are best friends for life but I think we'll be best friends even beyond that. Around the same time she started telling me she loves me and I did love her too but I was too shy and scared to tell it back to her, I was scared that if I tell her that I did love her I'll feel that I've become a pedo even though she didn't know that I love loved her and not just loved her platonically, I had this stupid idea that I'll start telling her that I love her only after her 15th birthday but thank god I decided to tell her I loved her much before that and I actually regret not saying it sooner too. Over the course of few months I had hid my feelings for her for various reasons that she knows and I won't repeat, which now I feel like I should've told her and maybe things would've been drastically different if I did , there were times where I almost did tell her like on her birthday when I so badly wanted to tell her everything or like the day when she fell asleep talking to me and I wanted to whisper to her what I felt but I didn't cuz I was too scared like always and I now regret it so much, and even though I did eventually tell her but it was too late and even if we got to "not" date each other for a few days and the reasons becuase of which we stopped were unrelated to my timing, I feel like if I did tell her before maybe things would have played out differently for the better and we wouldn't have reached to the point where we are now which is our lowest ever. We've had fights before and I have hurt her before but this is unlike anything because for the first time I can't talk to her and it's killing me from the inside and I would do anything to fix it and I dont care about moving on I just want her back, I want us back to being the bestest of the best friends where we talked to each other more than we talk to anyone else in the world.
Ruhi I know I am an asshole for whatever I did and I don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon but I promised you I'll be a better bffl and I wanna promise you that this year will be even better despite it literally being the worst possible start. I won't be as weak or as inconsiderate anymore because losing you is literally losing my star, my guardian demon and my best friend and whatnot. I wanna be a better person and not for myself but 100% for you and I will give my 10000% effort in being a better person, all for you. I am still thankful for this very day a year back when I met a girl that asked me what my Instagram handle meant and a few minutes later I offered her a candy because I wanted to feel that I was being inclusive and yes it wasn't a perfect first meeting and I didn't give the best first impressions but I'm glad that girl still decided to kept trying to talk to me despite of my initial awkwardness becuase honestly if I had never met you I don't even know if I would be alive today or at the very least I wouldn't have had one of the best years ever and grown so much as a person because you have absolutely changed my life and I miss you so fucking much and I just want this year to be even better for the both of us. I'm sorry Wuhanu and idk if you'll read this today but whenever you do please know that I love you more than it's humanly possible and I love you more than anything or anyone in this entire universe and no matter what I will always love you either this much or even more.
Your failing guardian angel
Hiiee my smol lil campfire guardian demon soft toy cute lil meow egirl babygurl cupcake Hazelnut disney princess kitty kat comfy girl Ruhi, the day has finally arrived, happy 15th birthday. I can't believe you're 15 now , hehe i have so many names for you now its amazing, i still remember the first time i called you Ruhi by asking you if I could cuz I was so shy and you said it was okay then the day i mispelled vampire as campfire and there are so many more memories that just remind us how far we've come along in these few months. I mean I can't imagine bonding with anyone so much in a matter of 6 months, like come on I've already talked to you more than I've talked to all other people in my life combined. We started out by talking about Venus and then us talking about anime a few days later and our conversations ending at 5 am cuz i was too sleepy hehe. Honestly that day at 5 am all I could think was how is it possible that I was able to talk to someone I hardly knew at all with such interest and have such deep talks, it was just amazing, I mean I've never had so much fun with anyone other than you and it's not only us texting, us gaming with each other, our calls, our VC, our spams, our balcony nights which were so fucking fun and i miss it so much that i still imagine you in the balciny, us imagining and planning for the future when we get to meet and be together, us spending time together irl and best of all me dropping you off home which was kinda sad at the same time cuz all I wanted was to spend more time with you, actually I all I want is to be able to spend more time with you be it virtually or irl because you are the most fun, intereseting, nicest, prettiest, cutest and so many more adjectives that I'd need a dictionary person ever that there's no place I'd rather be except beside you at all times. Idk if you realize this Ruhi but you are the highlight of my life, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I know I say that a lot but I really do mean it, I'm so lucky to have you and I never ever wanna be away from you even for a second even though our circumstances keep making us interact with each other less and less. The fact that I miss you more and more every second doesn't help the fact at all that we have to wait around for the day we meet. You know I'm really scared cuz my job offer could come any time and I'd get less time to talk to you to and I'll be busy with my life and I'll also have to move to Bombay or Bangalore and our chances to meet each other again will just drop and I'm so scared of the future but I just try to foget all of it and talk to you cuz talking to you calms me down and makes me so happy that I can ignore all the worries in the world, and I know you think you always end up making me sad because of your problems but the thing is the only reason I do is because I have so much empathy for you that I wanna be able to share your pain and put myself in your shoes so that I can help you cheer up and all can be normal, plus cheering you up always cheers me up to but you've decided you dont want that so I won't interfere cuz as much as I dont like what you are doing I trust that you'll do whatever is best for you because I know you know that the thing I care about the most in this world is you and you'd never wanna harm the thing I care about the most cuz you love me so much hehe, plus I actually do trust you so so much. Idk how much you trust me though and I don't wanna push you to trust me cuz trust is something that is earned and comes with time and everybody has a different pace cuz of their pas experiences so I just want you to know I'll do anything to earn your highest form of trust and I promise I will never ever break it and you dont have to force yourself to trust me hehe. Ukw I think this paragraph is getting a little sappy so let's go on to the happy part. There are so many things I love about you, I mean 101 reasons even aren't nearly enough to actually show how much I love you but I mean I wonder every single day that how could a person be so nice, caring and wholesome to me and love me so much, like what have I even done to deserve such good in my life but people keep on saying be happy with what you have and I truly am happy with what I have, calling you mine is the best feeling ever and all I want is to call you mine forever 🥺🥺. Hehe I own you, idk why it's kinda funny yet really wholesome to say that but seriously I still cant phatom how much you love me and care for me everyday like wtf even after all the bad things I've done you still love me more and more everyday and it's just fascinating and I never want that to stop. I just love how much you are willing to do for me and that is another thing that fasicnates me so much that you'd literally do anything and I mean anything to keep me happy even if you like it or not, it's like I'm not the one pampering you rather you are which makes me come to the next point which is I absolutely love treating you like my little princess, I mean idk I just love expressing my love for you and pampering you is one of my facourite ways to show how much I love you like I could go to the moon and back and more for you, no wait, I could go to Venus and back and more for you just to see you smile, your smile, the thing that makes my heart feel so goddamn warm, like just one simple expression of yours make the neurons in my brain go haywaire and my heart so fucking warm. I know you don't like the way you smile or the way you look but let this get through your head, I would rather be able to look at you and nothing else for the rest of my life than be able to look at everything except you, and I was so happy when you finally said you'd agree you are cute just for me and idk how much you truly believe that but I'll take it hehe. I know physical appearances shouldn't matter at all and your physical appearance doesn't affect how much I love you at all but there's no denying that I love the way you look to, your beautiful eyes, the shape, it's color that make me wanna stare at them forever; your long lustrous hair that makes me just wanna play with it and stroke it, your beautiful face that makes me wanna draw you, your cute lil hands taht make wanna hold them and never let go, your beautiful collarbone that is just so pleasing to the eyes and your cute smol feet that makes me wanna obsess over them like everything else about you. Okay that whole thing sounded a bit creepy to me but hehe whatever I know you love that I am creepy. You know today marks the day where 3 years for now I'd leave everything just to come to you for your 18th birthday to personally deliver whatever gift I have for you and spend whatever time I have with you while planning to go to our special (semi?) world tour including Seoul, I just can't wait to live the best days of my life with you by my side also because of you but 3 more years, 1/5th of your life and 1/7th of mine but that's it, I promise you 3 years later we'll have so much fun together, more fun than we are already having even though even now it's the most fun I've ever had in my life. You know I really wish I never forget these moments I've spent with you and not only that but I wish I never forget the moments I'm about to spend with you either. I know we've made plans to do so many fun and exciting activities together but honestly the thing I wanna do the most is just be there cuddling you, playing with each other's hair and whatnot and just talking to each other for an indefinite amount of time never getting bored while we look at each other's eyes and without any background noise or distractions with the stars above us because the number one reason I love you so much is because I just love talking to you. You really are the bestest friend I can ever have and I am so so so lucky to call you my best friend, my babygurl, my all kinds of gurl and just mine. It's physically impossible to show you how much I love you but I swear I love you so much and I hope this is the best birthday you ever have and the best year you ever have. I love you Ruhani and happy freaking 15th birthday my big gurl 🥺🥺